Something very strange is a-brewing. This is my third day of feeling it. It’s like, on a very deep level, there is a whole lot of unseen stuff going on with me. It feels like I have left the shore; a river shore where (for years) I have been clinging to the crumbling roots of some tree. Now, the root has crumbled between my fingers. The rush of the river rapids has a power that I can no longer resist. I have to go with it. Kicking and screaming does not make an iota of difference. The force will take me to my destiny, whether I like it or not. So I choose to make my body go limp, and allow it to be thrashed forward. My mind, body and spirit feel like they are going through this kind of a journey. Where I will wind up, only time will tell.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
— John Lennon
I’ve never been one to plan. I like to do things spontaneously, by whim or whatever feels right at the time. I know that this is not practical, and often not feasible. To be a responsible adult in our society seems to require setting down roots and partaking in pension schemes. It’s building a nest egg, it’s having a life plan.
In my life, it seems that whenever I made some kind of decision to settle in a place or commit to a project, a spanner would be thrown in the works. The result would find me in a new country, an alternate life, so far removed from the direction I was headed in. It has made me tend to float around, indecisive, and keeping options open.
It was only a few short months ago when I was convinced I would live for a few months travelling around Europe. And now, nothing could be further from my desires. Suddenly, Merthyr is the place for me to be, on so many levels. I’ve found my place, my people, and more and more, I sense my niche is slowly kneading out a groove here. While the outcome remains to be seen, it just feels right to be here now. It took 9 years and a willingness to leave forever, to get to this point.
Following a straight path to a well-defined goal rarely runs smoothly. Life has a way of throwing us unexpected twists and hidden turns. Funny thing, I do believe it’s far more fun and interesting in the long run, to just ride the tide. We may not predict where we’ll wind up, but in latter years, I’m convinced we’ll look back (with a youthful mischievous expression) on the many surprising adventures we encountered.
I am going to Portugal for a week. I went to the same area a little over 3 years ago, and was in a very different head space at that time. Back then, the holiday was about letting loose in the sun for the sake of fun. It was about karaoke bars till the wee hours, all day sleeping on the beach, jet ski and tube rides.
This time, it’s low season and I’m seeking clarity on my direction in life. It’s about time out, getting an objective perspective from a distance, and relaxing. It’s about wandering walks, talks, and observations – at least, that is what I’m anticipating.
With both holidays, the intention was/is to completely go with the flow, be spontaneous, and enjoy whatever comes along. No particular plans, no schedule, no itinerary.
Interesting how the same holiday in the same location with the same travel companion can feel completely different when it is experienced at a different stage in life!
I woke up this morning thinking same-old, same-old. What I really need is a change in direction. A big change. Something to commit to. Something that will make me bounce out of bed each morning with enthusiasm and vigour! Something exciting! Something meaningful.
For a long, long time now, I’ve just been doing the same thing. Get up, go to the computer, stay on it well into the wee hours, then go to bed. While I love what I do, there is something huge missing. I am still an observer of life, reporting on it, rather than an active participant.
Reporting on my thoughts and my life is a great outlet! But I want more to report on! Something Real going on in my life that makes a difference to the wider world. The only way I’m going to get a different result from my life is if I change direction. Today.