Lucky Escape

Photo credit: Kushnirov Avraham, Dreamstime.comIn my previous post, I wrote about a job that arrived at virtually the same time that I was given the opportunity of free office space to test trial some new business ideas.

The old, fearful me, took the job with optimism, knowing that “in this economic climate” (yada, yada) I ought to have a secure stream of income. I shoved doubts to the back of my mind. I looked for only the bright side, and reminded myself constantly to focus on the essential money I’d be earning.

On my fourth day, after receiving a blatantly revealing (negative) email from my predecessor (about how the employer had not paid him for two months), I had severe doubts about the employer. It occurred to me that they may not pay me either. Since I did not have a contract, no letter of employment, not even a time sheet as evidence, I began to worry that this company was dodgy. It also began playing on my mind that I’d noticed the office girl bending the truth to people over the phone.

On my fifth day, I walk in, and sure enough, I’m told, “It’s not working out”.

The universe had presented me with two options: the old path of taking a job (that probably wasn’t really right for me), and support in starting a new venture (with the risk of the ‘unknown’ and all possibilities at my feet). I took the easy path as my priority.

Today, the universe just slapped me in the face and said: “Wrong choice. But we’re giving you another chance.” This time, I have to make it work. I have this office space. I have support. I have to do this.

I guess it really does matter that you do what’s really right for you. Because if it isn’t right for you, it isn’t right for them, either.

In mild desperation, I pulled one of Cheryl Richardson‘s grace cards. I got Patience: “Trust in Divine timing. Your future holds something far greater than your past.”

I’m considering this “job loss” a lucky escape. Watch now, as I leap into the unknown Abyss!

I’m Here Because My Stuff is Here

A moment of revelation: in all this swaying back and forth about where I should live, Canada or the UK, wondering why the decision between staying and going is so difficult, it dawns on me. I’m here, because my stuff is here. I am so attached to my stuff that it keeps me stuck. The attachment bonds me. The weight of it makes it too heavy to shift, too complicated move, too emotional to release. So, I stay put, hemmed in by materialism that has no meaning or depth other than the thoughts I have assigned to them.

I am a nomad at heart: desiring to move, travel and experience places, people, situations, and possibilities. As a nomad, I’d carry very little. With all that I’ve accumulated, no wonder travel is so difficult.

In meditation, I confronted the feeling to ‘stay’. Spirit humoured me, and said: “Should we help you by burning it down?” (to make the load lighter, easier for me to leave). This made me smile. Sure, I could cremate pieces in a kind of ritual of significance, a symbol of transformation. Or, I could leave it all for someone else to pick through and trash. (I’ve resisted this idea, thinking I couldn’t bear the disrespect that entails, as if it would be personal. Yet, at the same time, I’m aware of industries that rape the earth for resources, the epitamy of disrespect, and I sit by, watching, doing nothing. How can my art, my books, compare to that kind of blatant murder?)

Does it really matter what happens to my stuff or how it ‘goes’? “You can’t take it with you” in the ultimate ‘leaving’ (the planet), so why worry about taking it with you now from A to B? Why allow it to stop you from doing anything? It doesn’t really stop you at all!

I’m here because my stuff is here, and now that I’m aware of that, I can change that. I have to detach from the stuff in order to really be free, in order to move on. This means eliminating my responsibility for it, however that may occur. Emotionally letting go of my stuff will allow me to be truly free to be me, unhindered, and able to go anywhere, anytime. Truly.

Action and Inaction

I found Jacqui Cullen’s blog post today on Clarity Tribe, Do you have the courage to stand still thought-provoking. Especially after yesterday when AutoWindscreens, my partner’s employer, publicly announced that it has gone under administration.

We were already counting pennies. With both of us now with uncertain income, there is immediate panic and worry. The fight or flight response kicks in. We’re likely to do things we normally wouldn’t consider, because of this chaos.

The fact is, someone could buy the company, and within a week there could be good news and all will be well again. The fact is, I’m still determined to stick to my guns and continue on a path that feels authentic to my calling. My truth is, in my heart, I know all will be well, and that staying calm is the best thing to do. Staying calm will keep me connected to my intuition, which will guide me. Jacqui’s words about standing still, mean to me that it is necessary to quiet the mind and really listen. The universe will provide. I just need to be still to be sensitive to the nuances of which way it tells me to go in order to find that providence. When the way becomes clear, that is when the action is to be taken.

Changing Direction

I woke up this morning thinking same-old, same-old. What I really need is a change in direction. A big change. Something to commit to. Something that will make me bounce out of bed each morning with enthusiasm and vigour! Something exciting! Something meaningful.

For a long, long time now, I’ve just been doing the same thing. Get up, go to the computer, stay on it well into the wee hours, then go to bed. While I love what I do, there is something huge missing. I am still an observer of life, reporting on it, rather than an active participant.

Reporting on my thoughts and my life is a great outlet! But I want more to report on! Something Real going on in my life that makes a difference to the wider world. The only way I’m going to get a different result from my life is if I change direction. Today.